We’re only 9 days away from Christmas and in true silly season form, life has been incredibly hectic this past week – with days and nights only getting busier in the days to come. I share with you again today my weekly Dating Advice and hope you enjoy this particular post or that it comes to you at a relevant time. Everybody has an ex, so everybody understands the hard work and emotional roller coasters you go through to get through the breakup. Everybody has their own way of dealing with things which makes us all .. us, but here are just some of my little reminders, and as always, come from me to you with love and light xx
Getting over your Ex
So why is it that we allow ex’s to affect new relationships long after our relationship with them has ended? I believe there is a number of reasons for it. One reason could be you that you forgot the reasons why you broke up in the first place and always second guess the break up (which by everyones standards should be a big no no). A second reason is the fact that there really are no ground rules for a breakup and so you just don’t know how to cut that contact completely. Both are viable reasons, but when it comes down to it, Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and to allow that relationship to affect any part of your life going forward is, well it just doesn’t add up.
So, although there are no rules to break up’s or those dreaded relationship with a past boyfriend or girlfriend, what can we do as a generation to improve our standards when it comes to our ex’s? Below are some tips my girlfriends & I have learnt over the years:
1. GET CLOSURE
It’s easy to say that this is the hardest step, but it’s the one that will give you the most peace if you do it properly. If you look up closure in the dictionary you will find: “a bringing to an end; conclusion” – & this is exactly what you must do with your relationship. You have to fully accept that there’s no chance of a reconciliation between you and your ex, if your holding on to even a glimmer of hope, you won’t get the closure you need & can’t properly work on moving on. Do what you have too to close that chapter of your life off & focus on what’s ahead – not what you’ve left behind.
2. STAY AWAY FROM THEIR FACEBOOK, WHERE THEY HANG OUT & THEIR FRIENDS.
Sounds easy, but I guarantee almost all of you at some stage in a breakup have tried to find out what your ex is doing, who they’re talking to and so on. I ask you this though. WHO CARES? They’re not in your life anymore, probably for a good reason. Accept that, stop trying to run in to them or find out what they’re doing….and move on.
3. GIVE YOURSELF TIME
In a fantasy world, we’d all love to be super human and get over ex’s with lightening speed & minimal emotions – but realistically – that will not happen. So give yourself time. As little or as much time as you need, there is no right or wrong amount. So get a new hobby, find some new hot little coffee spot or re connect with old friends. You’re going to have more time already without that other person in your life so make sure you use that to really give yourself closure.
4. HAVE FUN!
Sure we’re all allowed those dark moments where you stay in your pyjama’s all day eating junk food and listening to sad music (guys don’t write this off as a girl thing – you’re have been found just as guilty!) but don’t let that be all you do as a getting over your ex mechanism. Round up your friends, find a place your comfortable with and get out there. You may not even need to do this however – it could be as easy to you starting to say YES to invitations to go out with your friends that you’ve been saying no to. You’ll soon discover life does go on outside the confines of your room or house.
5. FOCUS ON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Easier said than done I’m sure. But people forget how amazing they still are when there’s a break up. Make sure that the focus is on re discovering what makes you happy, what brings fun in to your life and go out there and do it. It could be visiting new restaurants, taking a walk by the ocean, reading books, anything! Sometimes people stop focusing on what made them happy when they’re in a relationship that’s coming to an end, so ensuring you re discover those things will keep you focused on being the best person for yourself.
psst – I saw this little quote and thought it was perfect for today’s post. It’s only a small picture but it’s words spoke loudly to me.