“Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how the story ends” – Brene Brown.
As all beautiful synchronicities go, as I landed in beautiful Bali on Tuesday night, Morgan and I were laughing and reminiscing over our very first Bali trip back in 2008 and how fast forwarding 7 years, just how much we have both completely transformed our lives.
Remembering the exact girl I was, I had to go back and find the photos from that time – you get to meet her now as the girl in the left of that photo.
I was riddled with anxiety, carrying extra kgs from a toxic lifestyle, and although there are thousands of fond memories from every aspect of my life, even the bad – I can say that the bad feelings I used to feel and the lack of worthiness I shouldered far exceeded the good feelings I had and worthiness I so sought.
The story most know today is I hit my breaking point of knowing something had to change.
So I did.
You know that quote that says: “actually, I just woke up one day and decided that I didn’t want to feel that way anymore or ever again. So I changed….just like that”
That was me.
I went on my major journey of self discovery and started to work out who I was. Book by book by book. Meditation by meditation by meditaion. Gratitude by gratitude by gratitude by gratitude. Beautiful friend, by beautiful friend, by beautiful friend. Gym session by gym session by gym session.
I discovered, rather profoundly that…
I wasn’t the ecstasy on weekends.
Or the alcohol at parties to give me confidence.
Or saying the wrong thing to the wrong person to fit in.
I wasn’t the bitching or the gossiping or the negativity.
I wasn’t my feelings of hopelessness.
Nor was I the crippling anxiety from suppressing who I WAS.
My soul started to rumble with the truth …. The truth of who I WAS. And I went on my journey to find that out. I know this doesn’t confuse you either – you know exactly what I’m talking about, because you have felt it too. The whisper or loud knocking on your soul to step in to more of the person you truly are and leave behind all the mess and confusion.
The more I tapped in to my true self, the more I allowed my personality to come through, the more I didn’t say the things I didn’t want to and DID say the things I wanted to – finding my voice, the more I surrounded myself with positive people and the more I read books that uplifted my soul – I found my truth.
And the truth was simple.
That I had a spirit that was pure divinity – just like every other beautiful human on the planet.
That I had all the confidence I needed by simply being my (loud) authentic self.
That I could never say the wrong thing to the right person and that the key was surrounding myself with the right people – in every way, every day.
That I was love. That I could give love, receive love, speak love, act in love and be consumed by love.
That my personality was perfect the way it was when I was most being myself and I didn’t have to say or be or do anything that was out of alignment with that to appease anyone else.
The truth was that I was worthy.
The truth was I didn’t need to be validated by anyone else – but me.
And my life changed.
I became the girl you now see in the right of that photo.
Here is what I need people to most get right to their soul however.
It’s that you’re allowed to change.
Your allowed to have gotten so completely lost and off track and done stupid things and said stupid things and want to change.
You can have been the crazy loud fighting girl – and want to become the softer, more loving girl that is inspired by positivity.
You can have always been the quiet reserved one but really had this loud eccentric spirit who is sick of being squashed and ready to bust out. Bust her out I say.
You can have been a wild corporate workaholic (and no doubt be miserable) and actually re birth yourself as the woman who has always been inside who is a hippie loving yogi who wants to run away to Nepal and write a book or become a nude model.
I don’t know your truth. I don’t need to know your truth. I just need YOU to know your truth and I need you to start to un cover it, step in to it and powerfully live it out.
And NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU OTHERWISE. NO ONE can stop you in to becoming the person you were born to be.
People will try though. Believe me, they will try. They will tell you that “this isn’t you, where has she come from? You are the crazy one remember, you think youre too good for us now do you?” They will say it to your face some days and other days they will tell everyone but you to try to keep you in the box and confines of what they were comfortable with you being.
But don’t let them stop you on your quest for your truth.
You have a spirit inside of you bursting to live authentically. Gently knocking, sometimes loudly nudging….everyday …. I know you feel it and I know you have heard it, because I did too. And I listened.
And don’t think that trying to step in to your truth will be easy or come without growing pains.
I was bullied. Constantly.
I was attacked with words, belitted, cut down and cut out from peoples lives (you know, the ones who still wanted me to be an asshole and feel shit about myself who should never have been in my life to begin with).
But none of that mattered anymore – because I knew who I was and meeting that girl, this woman I am today – the one who has a voice and loves herself and knows exactly who she is – that excited me more than I can ever explain and it kept me hungry on my quest to bring her out.
Find your hunger.
Go on your fucking quest for truth – it doesn’t need to be scary or extreme either. You DO need to begin it though.
Don’t fear this change. Honour and be excited by it.
LISTEN to the gentle calls (or maybe it’s more of a loud knocking) that you have ignored for far too long.
Understand that you were created and you are here to be you, exactly as you are and wildly authentic.
I listened and you can see your journey in colour before your very eyes. I went from not caring about my health at all (I literally thought it was ‘cool’ to love shit food and drink my weekends away) to having health as my absolute #1 priority and having one of my greatest passions as fitness. IMAGINE if I had of listened to even one person when I went on this quest who said “who do you think you are you, you are absolutely not this person” – well no actually, it’s exactly who I am.
Tune in. It’s all I’m asking. You have a truth inside of you that is busting to come out and you can’t be scared of it anymore. IT’s your JOB to live your brightest most authentic life, and your spirit can’t wait a day longer.
And as the beautiful insightful Brene Brown says..
Your job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how the story ends”
How will YOU choose your story to end?
I hope it’s bold. I hope its authentic and I hope its in bright colour.