This week I wanted to share with you an article I wrote for my business – Possibly Maybe – in sticking with my weekly dating advice posts. I love this particular issue purely because it’s SO important when figuring out what you want in love or dating.
What exactly are you looking for?
So what IS it exactly that you are looking for?
And be honest with yourself.
You might think you know the answer to the above question, but I find more times than not, when asked this question people don’t actually know what they’re looking for. I’m not talking about with life either – no no that would be much to deep, I’m talking about what you’re looking for in the now with your love or dating life
Is it a relationship you’re looking for? Maybe just sex? A bit of fun? Or even some experience on when it comes to dates. Are you wanting your next relationship to ultimately lead to marriage? ALL of these are equally fine to want, you just have to know what it is that you are wanting.
Why is this so important I hear you ask. I know in this day and age a lot of us just go with the flow and don’t like to say the wrong thing to scare the other person off. But listen carefully – it’s important because what you want should define the type of experience you have with your new “mate”. An example if I may for those of you who still don’t see my reasoning yet, as I’m Female we will do this from a woman’s perspective but it can easily be related to a guy just as much
So let’s say I’ve been single for quite awhile, had quite a bit of fun, dated a couple of guys but nothing serious and I finally feel ready to meet a guy and want a relationship. So, in this example a relationship is really what I’m looking for. After meeting a new guy and really hitting it off with him I start sleeping with him feeling like this is really going somewhere however his made some remarks how his really enjoying where his at in life right now and quite happy just dating or having fun. Short of having “the talk” with this new guy too soon (A BIG NO NO) really I need to establish sooner rather than later if he also wants a relationship otherwise I’m investing my time, energy & potentially heart in to someone who wants something completely different to what i do. Where by his just happy keeping things as a platonic sexual relationship I know i want a relationship. The time I have invested with him which will probably end down the track when we both realise we’re on different paths, is time I could have invested in a mate who was looking for the same thing as I was – a relationship.
Is it a little clearer now?
I’m not saying to write anyone off immediately who doesn’t explicitly state they are wanting the exact same thing from you…i.e. just sex or a relationship, of course things can change with someone and dating is about fun. BUT if you are someone who is constantly saying ‘why do I always find people who just want to sleep with me’ well change your game plan and start remembering what you want from the get go so you recognise the pattern earlier on and can invest more time & energy in to others wanting the same as you.
Lots of love xx